Me, Myself and Eye

Here’s two other little gems of goodness from my male fan club, both happened in New York but one on a bus and one a train, I think I need to start walking.

I’m late to meet that other friend I mentioned previously who attracts the few cock-weasels who think their luck is in, because people of our sort don’t have standards. So I get off the train and run up the stairs and I am looking for the right street sign, now remember when your 4,2” people can invade your space quite quickly by just towering over you if they want to make their point clear. So man in question no teeth, can of beer in hand, walks up to me or over me you could say and says “yo you’re a pretty momma”

Right first things first, what the hell is a ‘momma’ other than something I called my mother when I was 5, or a derogatory term for a large black women? http://www.bigmommashouse2.com/ to wihich I said in my best British accent “piss off”. Harsh you might think, and you might be right but honestly when people come up to you, not necessarily saying the same thing but similar about once/twice a day you begin to wish you carried a big stick. I walked off pretending I knew where I was going and he shouted after me “what are you a lesbian” I have to give him 10/10 just for his bare cheek!

The other very bazaar occasion I was on the bus, I’ll keep it short and sweet like myself, but the bus driver said “can I ask you a question”? I was like hit my with it bad boy, really surprise me with your wisdom (this is in my head) he said “can I have an eye ball”, so I’ve got a cold and I look like I am in liver failure and I’m like “what” and he says again “can I have an eye ball”, ok this is the short version but it went on for sometime, and I’m thinking being from the far away, remote, newly developed country that is England or is it Ireland “gee that’s a swell accent you’ve got there”.

But my patience is wearing thin, and I just say “look I don’t know what your saying just spell it out” he said “You’ve got really pretty eyes, can I have an eye ball” WHAT. Should I have decided to gauge one out there and then with the chewed Bic biro that is in my bag, I think both him and I would have thrown up and the bus would have probably taken a de-tour though the pedestrians as he screamed for me to get away from him. Perhaps he wanted me to varnish it and attach it to some string to wear around his neck, mean while I’m sure I won’t miss it. I get to work and pass this through my colleagues who reassure me that its not normal for people in American to chat each other up by swapping body parts, that was left for the black market dating scene.